A Story About Moving Forward (and New Running Shoes)

Last week, my ex, the Father of my boys, sent me a message that said "I've transferred you some money. This is for you to buy some new running shoes. Please spend it on shoes and not some other stuff."

My initial thought was, "I don't need your money, and I don't like being told what to do!" And I cringed, realising a past version of me probably rejected his offers of generosity just like this in our past relationship.

So, I immediately softened. A few years ago, I might've felt judged or criticised thinking he obviously noticed my old runners… Instead, I took a moment to APPRECIATE that he noticed, and thoughtfully wanted to gift me new ones.

He knows I have other goals right now, so I am not likely to go spending money on shoes (plus I really like my old ones, they're so comfy!), but he has always valued health and fitness, probably even more than I have! So, I chose to see his direction as CARING, not controlling.

I don't need his money, but what a gift to be able to receive that caring and generosity from my ex. And, what a gift for him to receive my genuine gratitude instead of rejection he would've felt in the past, fuelled by my old, distorted fears of judgement and control.

Just 2 years ago, the relationship with my boys' dad was very business-like, emotionally cold and bare-minimum contact to meet the requirements of co-parenting. There was always an undercurrent of distrust, competition and bitterness to all our transactional interactions. Now, we have a genuine friendship with long conversations at changeovers (our boys get bored waiting for it to end, haha), ease with making decisions for the boys, openness and respect for the different aspects of each other's work, relationships and health. There's an overall energy of trust, support and care now underlying our interactions.

This hasn't happened by accident or luck. I very intentionally unlocked a key that opened a door to this possibility about 18 months ago now. And, it was only because I had cleared so much of my past emotional baggage in the Spiral process just months before, that I could even see the power I had, and the key I held for this relationship. This wasn’t even one of the primary or immediate effects of the Spiral, but that’s what happens with this work - it continues to ripple out through our lives in mysterious and delightfully surprising ways.

If you think you might have emotional baggage that’s holding you back from having healthy, rich and fulfilling relationships, the Spiral process can definitely help! My next round of The Spiral begins on the 10th of October and runs for 10 weeks with weekly individual sessions held online via Zoom.

I have just 6 places available for this round, so if you are ready for some deep inner work, and incredible outer change, book in a Spiral clarity call with me here.